Nice Guys Don't Finish Last

I was reading some articles earlier this evening on how men can become better at attracting women.

Gone is the hope I had for the world.

I have no faith in the human species anymore.  Here's why:

6 Things Men Do To Get Laid That Science Says Turns Women Off

Disclaimer:  I know it's a stupid article on Cracked.com.  I also know the main goal of the article is to get laid, not find the woman you want to marry and make babies with.  So I'm cutting that article a little slack, but it's still fucking sad.  The majority of the other articles I read were talking about finding the woman using the same tactics.  Which makes me sick.

So since these articles are completely off-the-wall unbalanced, here's how it's done.  These things will work on any sane and normal woman who is looking for a relationship.  You want a one-night stand, I can't help you because I have A.) Never had one, B.) Never wanted one and C.) You're the type of guy I couldn't give two shits less about if all you're looking for is a one-night stand.

We'll start at square one.  If you're trying to meet a woman for the first time, read from here:

1.)  Don't go to a bar


Do not try to pick up a woman in a bar.  It is the last place you want to meet a woman, even if you really do just want to sleep with her.  Bar/club/whatever, if there is profuse amounts of alcohol available at said venue, it's a recipe for disaster.  If you're drinking, you're definitely not thinking at your best, and if she is drinking too, her I.Q. has dropped a few thousand several points too.  Not to mention the compatibility meters you both possess are flailing about wildly and won't be able to detect a lack in compatibility as well.

Try to meet women in other places you frequent.  The gym is a good place because it's something you both are interested in.  It also shows you both care about your health and sort of care about your physical appearance.  Even if you're going to the coffee shop once a week and you happen to see the same woman there several times in a row come in behind you, remember her drink (if she gets the same thing every time) and buy it for her once.  Just once.  Don't keep doing it without saying anything.  It'll get her attention and show that you're interested in a subtle way.  When she says "Oh thanks!" say "No problem.  Hey, would you like to come back on Saturday morning and have a cup together?  By the way, I'm [insert your name here, don't make it up or change it]"  and then hold out your hand for a shake.  This leads in to tip 2.  If she's single and attracted to you in any way, then she'll say "Sure!  I think I'd like that."  If she says no she's either A.) Not Single or B.) Dumb.  If either A or B is true, then you didn't want to hang out with her anyway!

2.)  Be Confident


Whatever the fuck you try to do to get her attention, grow the balls to do it like you meant it however it turns out.  Actually, fuck that, grow a vagina.  (Balls a weak and sensitive, vagina's take a pounding!  Haha!)

What I mean is that, if you're going out of your way to get her attention, make sure she notices it and just fucking do it.  Don't pussy-foot around it.  If you want to get lunch together, just fucking ask her, especially if you already know her.  I hate mind games.  I can't imagine men like them much either.

So if you've got an idea to get her attention, don't half-ass it.  Go for it.  Even if you totally fail (trip up the stairs, drop a plate, say something totally stupid) laugh at yourself.  If she doesn't laugh with you (i.e. laughs AT you with a disgusted look on her face), then she's the kind of bitch you didn't want to hang out with anyway!  If you fail and she laughs with you and then makes sure your'e okay or got a genuinely good laugh out of it and approaches you because of it, then you accomplished what you wanted.  You got her attention in a positive way and she'll remember you for it, even if it's because you're clumsy as fuck.

3.)  Don't Be a Creeper


No I'm not talking about the creeper when your underwear is riding up your butt hole.  That sucks almost equally as bad as when a guy is being a creeper.  Perfect example of being a creeper:

I'm at an Applebee's by myself having dinner before I have to go to class. I'm eating food, READING A BOOK, and minding my own g-damn business.  This guy comes over and sits down across from me WITHOUT ASKING.

DID I ASK FOR COMPANY?  NO MOTHER FUCKER, NOW BACK THE FUCK UP.

Sorry, that was a lot of f-bombs, but I felt compelled to express the creeper factor there.  Don't do that kind of crap, it's weird and stalker-like.

What he could have done was approached me and said "Excuse me, would you like some company?  I saw you sitting alone and thought I'd ask."  And I would have been like "Oh, no thanks, I'm okay" (that is the I'm-Not-Single Response) or "Sure, thanks, I'd like that" (that is the I'm-Single Response).

Don't stare.  It's bad

Don't invade the personal bubble of space without first establishing verbal communication.

Think of a woman doing something to get your attention that would seriously creep you out.  Got it all?  Okay, don't do any of that to them.  Because it will creep them out equally.

4.)  Show Interest


Whoever came up with the idea that women like being ignored is a fucking tool.  If you like her and are actually interested in her then TELL HER THE TRUTH.  (Genie got it right when Aladdin was being a fucking twat to Jasmine).

If she has no interest in you, that's her fault.  Not yours.  If you initiate conversation and she's blowing you off, screw her, she's not worth your time.

Women will think the EXACT same way if you're doing that to them; if she's telling you a stupid story that doesn't make any sense, and you're ignoring her, she'll see that, then think "He's not fucking listening to me and we just met, he's either got ADD or isn't interested, peace out motha fucka" and then turn and leave.

5.)  Be Interesting (But Don't Make Shit Up and Lie!)


Find something positive about yourself (trust me, there's something there as much as you may not think so) and play on that.  You draw really well.  You have this silly uncanny ability to long division in your head with bigantic numbers.  Find something you're good at and make it AWESOMER.  If you can play guitar GET BETTER AT IT.

This obviously takes place after you've initiated conversation.  Maybe there's a lull in the conversation and she seems bored.  Especially if she's been the one babbling about herself all night (women do that, especially the ones with a lack women friends, e.g. me) take that opportunity to talk about yourself.  If you're interested in her, that's all well and good, but she may not be interested in you much which is why she's been babbling all night.

"I can do a back flip from standing.  I'll show you sometime."

"I can sing really well, I'll have to sing for you once where you can hear me better and we're not around a million people where I'll embarrass the shit out of myself."

"I have a rowboat, we can go out on the lake some time, it's fun and relaxing."

STUPID shit like that, just small one liners with an expectation of meeting AGAIN in the future helps.  It's almost like secretly setting up a second date and most often she'll go "oh yeah" and not realize she just agreed to see you again.

6.)  Rejection Sucks ...


But it's better than being with someone that is faking liking you when they really are bored out of their minds or hate your guts.  Think about it, if they say "Sorry, you're not my type" they're probably right.  They probably like the douchers that slap them around ...

Learn from rejection by learning the type of women that reject you.  If you're chasing after big-tittied blonde bimbos and they all seem to run away from you screaming bloody murder, you might want to try a different type of woman.  If the nerdy woman at the LAN cafe leaves the minute you try to talk to her, seriously, don't even keep trying, she's not worth your time even though she is a nerd and one you were attracted to on top of it.

7.)  Opposites Usually Don't Attract


Why do I know this.  I'm the female version of my boyfriend, that's why.  While he doesn't play video games as much anymore (and I still do) we're still very similar people.  We're nerdy, we do a shit ton of stuff together, we like the same types of movies (except horror, which I very rarely can handle) and we have generally the same tastes in food, music, art, video games, books, t.v., pets, and just about anything else in life you can think of.

Except onions, mushrooms, and black olives.  I dont' care for crunchy onions, he doesn't like mushrooms or black olives.  I think he might die if he eats either one.

While Luke and I have a shit ton in common, we do have a few things that we like doing separately.  And just because I can't think of wtf those things are right now doesn't mean they don't exist.

8.)  Stay In Your League


I'm not a super model.  Luke isn't a body builder.  With that said, we're great for each other because I think he looks fantastic and he thinks I look great (even though we've both put on some weight, i.e. too much beer).

If you look like Matt Damon, then you can date super models.  That's the rule.  If you're not quite as good looking as a guy like Matt Damon, then you're probably not able to date girls that look like super models.  However, if a woman is really attracted to you, she'll think you're equally as attractive as Matt Damon as you will think her equally as sexy as Sandra Bullock.  (I user he because she's equally as intelligent as Matt Damon, instead of saying some dumb ho like Jessica Alba, LUKE, WHAT DO YOU SEE IN HER, SHE'S A FUCKING MORON, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU LIKE HER!!!)

Sorry, moving on ...

Play your strengths; find women that are on a similar level of attractiveness BOTH PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.

I cannot stress enough that the physical part of the attraction is only half of the game.  She may be a little on the less physically attractive side, but you know, you guys might have a lot more in common than you think and she might actually be super funny/smart/whatever and you might really dig her after you talk a few times.

Here's a general rule about women: the ugly duckling syndrome is true.  Girls that are typically shy and a little socially awkward that are also attractive were probably not very attractive growing up and were probably picked on a lot.  So they had to develop a personality and be clever to have friends of the opposite gender.

Girls that were pretty growing up and didn't get picked on and are still attractive now will probably lack a personality and not be very clever because they didn't have to talk to have male friends.  Those male friends naturally gravitated towards her simply due to her looks.

Yes these are very general, sweeping, broad statements, but they are true.  So just keep that in mind when you're running in to a lot of airheads that can't put two sentences together because every other words is "like".  There's a reason their speech pattern developed that way.

9.)  Take a Break

If you've run in to a lot of rejections lately, or you've just gotten out of a long relationship, take a break.  Clear you head and get out of the game for a while.  Reevaluate what it is you want in a woman, especially if you just went through a break up.  Reevaluate your "game" too.  See if some of your tactics at meeting women need honing, or if your target audience is a little off.  Gather data, analyze, adjust where needed, and then get back in the game.

10.  Don't Ever Give Up.  Ever.

Don't ever quit.  There are too many women out there looking for someone that it would be a shame for a guy to just say "I'm done with women".  No, I don't mean realizing you're gay.  Seriously, if that happens, you need to acknowledge that and accept it.  If you're gay, forcing yourself to go for women will NOT change the fact that you're actually attracted to men.

But don't ever give up on women.  Please.  We're frustrating creatures, I know.  We say things we don't mean, we mean things we don't say.  We're confusing, contradictory, and just plain ol' weird.  I'm fully aware of that.  (I think that, because I know this, I lack a lot of female friends that are NOT aware of this, which is okay because they're probably not the type of woman I'd like to hang out with).



So that's all I can come up with right now.  Nobody wants to be treated like shit.  I don't know anybody that does.  So guys, do not treat women like objects or prizes that are worth winning.  Be genuine, be you, and if the girl doesn't like that, fuck her.  She's not worth your time.  Do not fret over someone not wanting to hang out with you.

The reason I'm able to give advice on this is because I speak from experience.  No, I'm not a lesbian.  But I moved away from all of my female friends when I was 20 and tried finding new ones.  It's a pain in the ass!  Most women I met were NOT in to the same things I am, so I felt like a guy trying to meet a woman.  Because I enjoy stereotypical male entertainment (to a degree), a lot of women were totally weirded out by me and didn't want to do anything with me at all.

In general, the best you can do is be you.  If someone cannot accept you for who you are, screw 'em.  They're not worth your time.

Razer Nostromo

Yesterday, I nabbed a Razer Nostromo from Best Buy.  The reason for getting it was to put a smaller footprint on my desk.  I want to game without my keyboard.

I figured it would work well with FPS's, because I suck at them anyway and it can't get much worse.  The problem is, I want to use it for WoW too.  And the reason that's a problem is because I've been using ASDW (and Q and E) on my left hand for moving, and then my number pad for casting spells (only for DPS and Tanking, for heals I'm a clicker because I use VuhDo).

So here's my deal.  If the point was to get rid of the keyboard I'd need two Nostromo's, a righty and a lefty.  Because I move with my left hand, the only way for me to use abilities/cast spells is by using my right hand on the num pad.

I tried binding all of my spells and abilities to the Nostromo and using the little thumb joystick on it for movement but that was g-damn impossible.  I move around in an odd way in WoW.  I will quite often hold down Q and W at the same time to streif at an angle, while still moving forward, but then click D at random to turn myself in a wide arching circle.  If you hold all three down at the same time, you'll make a very wide circle, much wider than just holding down W and A or W and D.

So because I move around oddly like this, the thumb joystick does NOT work for me.  It only has the W and A or W and D corner functions and I cannot remap it to something else.  And, again, the whole point of getting it was to avoid needing my keyboard.  So using the number pad as my movement is out of the question.  Not only does that defeat the purpose of getting the gaming bad, but it also completely switches around what I'm doing right now: moving in the left hand, casting with the right, to moving with the right hand and casting with the left.

I'm going to keep trying very hard to find a configuration that works with WoW.  And I'll use it from the start with games like ToR and Diablo III.  I actually think it'll be SUPER useful for Diablo III because you always use your mouse to move around in that game, as well as to attack with your left and right-click abilities.  But now there are some hot-key abilites that I can see myself binding to my Nostromo.

I also tested this last night with Deus Ex and it works great.  I love it for FPS's, so whoever says they don't work well with FPS's is full of shit.

Now I have a problem.  I want to get rid of my Logitech G15 keyboard for a couple reasons:
1.) It's a beast.
2.) I have no use for the 18 keys on the left side.
3.) I also have no use for the little display screen on it.
4.) It's old and starting to act up.  The number pad is dying.  The back lighting is dying.  It flickers on and off every once in a while and the number pad doesn't always register when I type something on it.

I was looking at the Razer Black Widow Ultimate keyboard while at Best Buy.  There was an opening to try out a few keys, specifically the arrow keys to the left of the number pad.  When I tried them, there was a loud audible click for every keystroke.  I don't think I've ever owned a mechanical keyboard before that makes that sound or has that sort of feel to the keystroke.  It's interesting, and I think I like it.

But, Razer is also releasing a line of products for ToR when ToR comes out.  Specifically, the keyboard looks fucking amazing:

Star Wars: The Old Republic Keyboard

The little display screen and kick ass buttons on the right side there?  Yeah, that replaces the Number Pad.  WHICH IS WHAT I ALREADY DO TO PLAY WOW ANYWAY.  I have a feeling a lot of gamers play that way, and I was completely unaware of it.

So I might just wait for that keyboard to come out with the release of the game.  I'm guaranteed a CE of the game because I pre-ordered so long ago, so I might just wait for Dec. 20th.  Hell, I might just wait for Christmas and ask for the keyboard as a Christmas gift.  Because god knows my Grandma will be all like "WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?!" again this year.

So I'm super stoked about this keyboard.  Which might make the point of the Nostromo moot.  But I definitely enjoyed the Nostromo for Deus Ex.  I might get back in to L4D2 and Counterstrike since a new one of those is coming out too.

I just don't play a lot of FPS's.  Maybe I'll figure a way out on how to use it with the keyboard and just be okay using it that way with MMO's.

It's a nice product, fights the hand nicely.  My only two complains is that the thumb joystick is clumsy to use, and then the key right below the joystick is hard to reach if you've got normalish sized hands.  I use it as my space bar, and when I go to reach for it, I commonly run in to the joystick on my way down.

Well see how it fairs tonight with more Deus Ex.

Edit:  I might have a way to combo the Nostromo with a Razer Naga Epic.  Bind all my spells to the mouse's 14 keys, and then use the Nostromo for movement and whatever other keybinds I might need (various Oh-Shit buttons).  Now, that setup I can see working very well.  And it just so happens that I still have a $140 refund card sitting out at Newegg ... ha!

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was a very cute, nerdy, and all-around decent movie. What I liked most was that the movie was believable.  Even though there were many nuances that are just not possible in real life (bad guys poofing into loose change when you defeat them, roller blades that melt snow as you skate through it) the story was very real.

Scott is an average, nerdy, 22 year old guy.  He's been single for the last year due to a bad break-up with his girlfriend, who we later learn is a super-star sell-out punk-pop-rocker.  When she hit it big, she dumped Scott.

Scott eventually meets Ramona, a girl about his age who just moved in to the area.  She has short, hot pink hair and a very awesome sense of style.  After they hang out a few times, some weird dude shows up and claim that Scott must defeat him to be with Ramona.  In classic video-game fashion, Scott manages to defeat the first guy that shows up.

Ramona eventually lets him on a secret; she has seven evil exes that he must defeat to be her boyfriend.  She eventually explains that the reason she moved to Canada was because she was fed up with her history in New York and wanted to escape it all.  And the last guy she was with did not want to move with her when she wanted to leave NY.  So she dumped him.

She's a bit of a heart breaker it seems, yet with a really awesome dry sense of humor.  Her facial expressions throughout the whole movie speak far louder than her words because they're so subtle.  She's soft spoken, has a lower voice (much lower than Knives' voice, who was Scott's sort of weird-17-year-old girlfriend at the time he met Ramona) and actually lacks normal facial expressions for most of the movie except for when something truly out of the ordinary is occurring.  And that is when her expressions really pop.  All she has to do is lift an eyebrow, fake a small smirk, or give a little gaping-mouth, slightly bug-eyed look and it shouts out her emotions much louder than any words would.

Scott's reaction to the seven exes thing is okay until he ends up blind sided by the fourth or fifth person, who happens to be a chick.  Ramona claims it was a phase to which Scott says "I didn't know you had a sexy phase!"

I lawl'ed.

The movie follows a very "seven level dungeon"-esque theme.  Scott's band is competing in a battle of the bands, multi-gig deal for a contract with G-Man's record company.  Through these shows, Scott meets a few of Ramona's exes and defeats them a la expert martial arts with extreme video game cinematography.

It works though; it's not campy or trite or stupid in the least bit.  It's actually quite entertaining.  Eventually, we learn that G-Man is Giddeon, Ramona's most recent and most powerful evil ex.  (Throughout this movie, Ramona changes her hair color every week and a half, and has gone from hot pink, to dark blue, to emerald green by the end).  Giddeon steals Ramona back after a show where Scott's band defeats a set of twins that Ramona dated.  At the same time.  Through this defeat, Scott gets a 1-Up.

After the show, Giddeon speaks with Scott and his band, saying screw the last show, I'm giving you guys the contract now.  Scott refuses, but the rest of his band mates sign immediately, including the replacement bassist, Neil.

Ramona says she's sorry and explains "I just can't help myself when I'm around him ..." while touching the back of her head at the nape of her neck.  I thought that seemed weird at the time, but didn't think about it again until later.

Giddeon builds a new theater and has an opening show featuring Sex Bob-Omb, the band that Scott left.  Scott goes to this show and tries to fight Giddeon, earning the power of love as he declares his love for Ramona.  He also levels up and gets a kick-ass sword that pops out of his chest and is made of pink fire.

Unfortunately, Giddeon defeats Scott.  While in death, Ramona visits him in a vision, where she apologizes again, stating she can't help herself when she's around Giddeon.  Scott nods in understanding but Ramona says, "No, I really can't help myself," turns around and lifts the hair up at the nape of her neck revealing a microchip with Giddeon's little mock Triforce symbol on it.  Scott doesn't feel so bad now.  Except that he's dead.

Oh wait!  1-Up!

Scott comes back to life at the point where he received his 1-Up from defeating the twins.  The movie does a fast-forward up to the point where he confronts Giddeon and says "I'm not fighting you for Ramona, I'm fighting you for myself!"  He then levels up and earns the power of self-respect!  Yay!  He also gets a cool bad ass sword that pops out of his chest and is made of purple fire.

This time he does defeat Giddeon.  But then he has to face a more sinister force: himself.  A dark and evil, jealous, angry, and sad version of himself.  Ramona and Knives (who showed up to kill Ramona but eventually helps Scott) leave to let Scott deal with his emotions.  Outside of the venue, Ramona and Knives are talking and they see Scott leaving the venue with his emotion-self walking with him.  They're talking, shooting the shit, and make plans to get brunch together next week.

He makes amends with his emotions.

Aw.

Ramona apologizes again for all the nonsense she caused him and says she's leaving Canada for some place else.  She then walks away.  Scott doesn't know what to do, he wants to be with her but doesn't know if she wants him.  Knives convinces him to go after her, to which he listens and catches up with Ramona, asking if they can start over and go some place together.  She says, "Yeah, that's cool" and they leave.

The end.

Yay!  It was such a cute movie, was glad I caught it on deh HBO.

The Warlock

Last week I finished The Warlock, the fifth book in the series The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel.


It was an excellent read.  I honestly thought it was the last in the series, but there is going to be one more, entitled The Enchantress, and is not coming out until May next year.  Great ...


The Warlock was very fun to get through; there was some time travel, all of the characters were given ample "screen time", and the ending wrapped up with an excellent twist and cliffhanger.  Overall, good book.

I'm not going to go in to detail at all here.  In fact, I'm just going to leave it right here at "good book" and call it a day.  I need to get back to reading A Game of Thrones ...

A friend of mine is going to be reading The Wheel of Time series.  I may try to gather some of this thoughts on those books as I very well may reread them, after I finish A Song of Ice and Fire, in preparation for the final WoT book due out next year.